Eph 6:1-4 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. (2) “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), (3) “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” (4) Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
One of the greatest blessings from marriage is the raising up of children. Proverbs 22:6 says to train up a child in the way he should go and even when he is old he will not depart from it. Raising children is a blessing and a challenge, but thankfully we are not left without instruction. Paul, inspired by the Holy Spirit, not only reminds fathers to bring up children in the discipline of the lord without provoking them to anger, he also gives instructions to children.
Obey your parents and honor your mother and father. This seems so simple when it is read on paper in black and white, but it can be one of the most challenging things to actually live out. Many of us were raised in homes filled with the love and grace of the Lord. Others were raised in homes that brought challenges and abuse. Obeying parents isn’t about following rules because we are commanded to, it is about maintaining the order in the famly as designed by God. At times it may seem like our parents don’t make any sense at all and other times we turn to them because we need their wisdom and direction. Either way, we are to obey and honor our parents in the Lord. That means that as they follow the commands of God, we too are to follow the commands of our parents as is fitting in the Lord. If their desires for us go against the deisres of the Lord, we are to obey the Lord first.
The promise in these verses that come from obedience to our parents is a long life. Though we are not promised a great number of days, there is something to be said about the life we live as children who honor and obey our parents. Undisciplined rebelous men and women may live a long life, but it is far more probable for those who are obedient to Christ to not only have many years, but to also have many fruitful years. The promise of a long life comes from Exodus 20:12 where Moses says to honor your mother and father and your days may be long in the land the Lord is giving you. Only the Lord knows the number of our days, but those who do not obey this command are subject to the judgements of God through their disobedience.
As fathers raise their children, we are not to provoke them to anger. I have heard it taught that as dads we are not to make our kids mad at us. Paul isn’t saying that our kids shouldn’t be mad at us, rather, he is placing the instruction to the fathers above the children’s emotions. Do not provoke doesn’t mean always try to be peacable with your children, it means that we are not to bring our children to a place of rage or anger because of the way we treat them. This includes how we train them and discipline them. Often, in our frustration we can give into the desires of the devil and treat our children with impatience and harshness. We taunt and torment them in our disciplining and can become angry at them as well. How we raise up our children should be with the same patience and compassion the Lord has for us. Just as He gently reminds us of our sin and disobedience without bringing us to anger, so we are to do the same with our children. Patience, love, compassion, discipline, and understanding go a long way in keeping our children free from bitterness toward us and allows them to see the love of Christ in our lives. (Did I say patience?)
Raising kids is one of the most amazing blessings the Lord has given to me and Lori. Though at times it was challenging, as we have grown older and a little wiser, we see things we could have done differently and we see the things that were effective. Through it all I have found that the best thing I have done in raising my kids is giving them up to the Lord and trusting Jesus for my kids. Some have walked away from the Lord, others have been through very challenging times, and yet one of them has been so easy to raise it is as if he has never done anything wrong. The Lord gives us parents grace and in return we are to extend it to our children. When we do that, their obedience to us becomes far easier than if we are tyrannical and demand it from them. God is good to us and forgives us when we ask, so too should we when our children need the love and touch of Christ through their mom and dad.